Forgiveness is a Matter of Honor

Part 1, Introduction

by Gary L. Cox

Matthew 18:21-35

"And then Peter came to him, and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? And Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seven times seventy. Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, who would take account of his servants. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him which owed him, ten thousand talents. (about $52,800,000) But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down, and worshiped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. Then the lord of the servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him a hundred pence: ( about $44.00) and he laid his hand on him, and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what though owest'. And his fellow servant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not: but went out and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.

So when his fellow servants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and they came and told unto there lord what was done. And his lord, after that he called him, and said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: Shouldest thou not also have had compassion on thy fellow servant, even as I had pity on thee? And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due him,

So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not his brother their trespasses."

The Christian Life Springs from Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a matter of honor. To honor means to give value to something. Forgiveness causes you to honor another person with the same value that God has given you: an eternal soul worth redeeming at great personal cost. Forgiveness requires dying to yourself. You must give up your temporal cause and embrace God's eternal cause, both for yourself and the one you must forgive.

Every aspect of the Christian life springs from forgiveness. If I can't forgive, I can't be forgiven. To live with unforgiveness keeps you in bondage to having life on your own terms. This is what unforgiveness amounts to: you will not forgive because you insist that your life must come to you as you think it should. Unforgiveness gives someone else (an adversary) power over you: your happiness is dependent upon getting what you think you deserve, or what you think is right. Satan uses fear of not getting your way to keep you in bondage to sin all your life (Hebrews 2:14-15).

Forgiveness forces the issue of dying to yourself. You cannot have what you want. This applies to every kind of situation. Not only must every self-centered desire die, but also every legitimate interest you have in this life: marriage, raising a family, normal, good things that the Lord has generally intended for all mankind. However, when you have your agenda and it is not satisfied or met, then you can fall into the trap and bondage of bitterness and unforgiveness. And unforgiveness will pull you down by the chains of self-preservation: "It’s got to be my way or else I die". May God grant you the grace to die instead of living a self-preserving life.

Bitterness Prevents Forgiveness

Bitterness is an emotional energy, a motivation that drives your actions as you seek to get what you think you deserve. Bitterness is such a powerful emotional feeling, driving and pushing you from without. You lose control of life through bitterness and only God's grace can overcome it. Only God can give you the grace to set aside your expectation and desires. Bitterness is simply the stubborn refusal to forgive. Think about that. You won’t let go. You have been wronged and you will not let go of your loss.

What bitterness does is demand that every hope  be fulfilled in this life. Bitterness drains every resource that you have. It consumes that which you have in energy, strength and gifts to use for God. Instead of being ready to serve, give and care, you quit. The hands hang down, the knees are feeble and that which is lame is threatened with being turned out of the way (Hebrews 12:12). You are used up and have nothing to say.

Bitterness causes rebellion because it sees another person (even God) as the cause of your temporal loss. Bitterness makes people and circumstances your enemy and adversary. You must overthrow these in order to be happy and preserve this life's values. It is death to suffer the loss of the things. Forgiveness is a matter of what or who you honor in our heart. You are either going to insist on getting things your way and cling to your hurt, or you will learn to forgive by the grace of God and let go of your hurt. Rebellion is carrying out your own plan, being bitter against the plan of your authority. Rebellion is bitterness against suffering loss, and requires conversion.

Bitterness reduces life to temporal values. You desire to walk in the eternal way, but Satan binds you with bitterness;  he keeps agitating to have your temporal issue fixed, fixed your way, …and you will not let go. This is how bitterness changes the eternal dynamic of life: it makes something temporal of greater value, or 'honor' than life itself. Forgiveness brings in God's eternal value into your life.  What forgiveness does, is honor that which is truly of great value, forgiveness releases your own eternal self-worth, and that of the one who wronged you. Bitterness say's, "I'm going to get honor in my way". Forgiveness says, "my honor is not important, I will let go of my honor".

Eternal Treasures are in Heaven

Let go of your preferences, let go of your ideas, let them go and die to them. Forgiveness releases your temporal self-honor in a matter and it replaces it with God's honor. This is the most important part of honor, it gives you God's own eternal values. Find the value God places on a man's life. Let go of your temporal value and stop honoring yourself. Instead find His eternal value and honor it.

When you have hard or easy circumstances, your natural view of them is most likely a temporal view. But God has an eternal view of your circumstances. Something else is at work, something else is being done. Forgiveness involves letting go of your view and looking for God's view. What is God doing? What is His value of a matter? What is the purpose that God has in this circumstance? And here is the importance of God's honor: what you value is your treasure. And were your treasure is, there will your heart will be also (Matt. 6:21).

If you value the praise of men, if you value the minimal courtesies of men, if you value anything in the temporal realm, then you have a fixation on earthly values, and your heart will be trapped by those values. That is your treasure, that is what makes you happy. God wants you to transfer your earthly treasures to heaven. Will you release the earthly treasures of silver and gold? Great! But the Lord goes beyond these, and demands that you release every comfort that this temporal world may offer you. Release them into His care and receive from Him the comfort that He offers you: eternal life; life which will last forever.

Forgiveness allows you to transfer your values from the earthly things to heavenly things. Never forget that these two values are in competition, which is why we really need to understand forgiveness from the spiritual perspective. Forgiveness is the arena where the competition between the values of this life and the values of eternal life meet in combat. Never forget that forgiveness is the weapon by which you lay down earthy values and I take up instead, the values of eternal life. Remember that the Lord said you can only serve one master! In this battle of forgiveness, you can have only one master. God uses forgiveness to bring to the forefront your specific needs which you must let go of as a false, temporal and earthly master.

Forgiveness Requires Repentance

Forgiveness and repentance are in the same package of faith. Matthew 18:3 says, "Verily I say unto you, 'Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.'"  Forgiveness requires repentance towards God, that is how to be converted as a little child. You cannot forgive anybody just because you decide to forgive. Letting a matter go is not forgiving. Forgiveness requires a change (conversion) of your expectations. Conversion has to do with seeing things from a different viewpoint. A little child implicitly trusts in his father. A little child does not have worries or fears. This is the place God wants to have in your life, He is a trustworthy Father. A little child does not look over his father's shoulder and ask what he is doing. You give up questioning the Lord, "what is going to happen’". Implicitly trust like a little child and say, "God, your way is better".

The trouble with us is that we think we are the fruit inspectors. We quickly sit in judgment on God's ways, but what God wants is conversion. Unless you are converted like a little child you will never be able to walk in forgiveness because you will never be able to surrender your opinion of what you think is best. Unforgiveness and bitterness knock you totally off the track of God's honor. Unforgiveness is honoring yourself.   Repentance turns from your honor and embraces God's. You can forgive when you see your temporal loss as an eternal gain. You cling to the eternal by faith and release your temporal interests as a little child trusts his daddy. You cannot believe or forgive if you have something that you demand in return.

Forgiveness Requires Honor

 Practically this give you and I a simply understanding of honor. To honor means to prefer another above yourself as better in priority, even as the Lord values them. (To honor your parents means to honor them above yourself and to see God's purpose and value in them.) You prefer the eternal purpose of God over the temporal discomfort or loss that giving such honor costs you. And that makes it pretty simple: give honor to whom honor is due. When you are giving honor to whom it is due you are preferring God's interest in them and yourself also. 

Forgiveness requires honor. You must prefer (that is honor) God's interest in another above your own interest in them. That is tough, and in any situation here is the battleground: Gods interest versus yours. What is God doing? That is the question you pursue.

When truly forgiving you honor the person you forgive above the honor that they have for themselves. How? In their sin they are grasping and grabbing after their own interests. Forgiveness says, "you are more valuable than that, I see God's value of you and I am going to look to the eternal in your life." To offer forgiveness is to offer the grace of God to an eternal soul. The power of honor shifts values from the temporal view to the heavenly view in every matter. Seeing God's honor gives you courage to confront a sinner with the offer of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not an insult when it is extended with genuine honor to the one forgiven. They sinned for a temporal advantage but you will forgive for an eternal advantage.

Conclusion

The worst part of unforgiveness is the power that is gives another person over you (especially Satan): your happiness depends upon another person's repentance. What a hopeless place to live! Must you sit around and wait for somebody else to repent before you will be happy? Do not give anybody that power over you. When you satisfy some temporal vengeance  by unforgiveness, you will ever be consumed by your bitterness.

The best part of forgiveness is that it becomes the means of genuine spiritual ministry. Forgiveness requires you to clarify a trespass before you can forgive and thereby you identify a specific sin needing reconciliation. If you forgive a real sin, then you clarify the larger need that Jesus Christ alone can give redemption. Forgiveness makes you an evangelist that brings the forgiveness of Jesus Christ to a needy soul. Is not that what God did? While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Forgiveness sees the need of and pays the price.

How can you ever have received forgiveness from God if your only interest was yourself? To receive forgiveness from God requires that you to see your sin; you have the wrong values. God gives you the right values at conversion. Reconciliation between men is part of the larger ministry of reconciliation to God. We are a needy people. God saw our need and said, "I will redeem and forgive, I will adopt you as my child". There is no way to be made like Jesus Christ until you learn to forgive from the heart. That is why Jesus Christ died on that cross.

A Prayer of Commitment 

Lord how great, how great are your works. Thank you that your work of redemption is not judging the sin but redeeming the sinner. Thank that you have redeemed us and called us into the same ministry of reconciliation. Thank you that you bring hardship into our lives by the sin of others, yet you lovingly use it to change our values and place your honor in our hearts so that we can spread the forgiveness found in Christ's redemption. Enlarge our hearts Lord, turn our affections exclusively to you. Grant that we might walk in reconciliation, to you and to our fellow man. We pray boldly in the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.