There is one who speaks like the piercing of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health. (NKJV, Prov. 12:18) 

My German upbringing has afforded me quite a piercing tongue. Every occasion of correction naturally arouses me to severity of tone, for that is how I perceived authority was wielded, like a sharp piercing sword. That is wrong, but it is natural for me. My first lessons in child discipline came from a little pamphlet we still carry at the bookstore, Under Loving Command. Before our first child was born, Sally and I began exploring the Biblical nature of child training and this pamphlet helped set a loving tone. Perhaps discipline can be compared to surgery: the use of the knife is only for healing.

            In an earlier article on child discipline, I closed with the comment, “It’s not over until everyone is smiling!” That sentiment has been a helpful perspective for me throughout the years. The biblical basis for restoration is significant, and must be considered as a part of the process of discipline. I have made it my goal as a parent to close every discipline with hugs, kisses and other expressions of confirmation. Comfort brings emotional closure with warm feelings of acceptance and getting on with life happily together. Restoration is also the reason for using the kind of discipline that can be completed in the shortest possible timeframe necessary for achieving its goal of correction in the child. Extended sorrow distorts the outlook of life.

            When a matter of discipline is resolved, it is finished. The need is for fellowship to be fully restored to protect your child from being overcome with sorrow. Sufficient to such a man [is] this punishment, which [was inflicted] of many so contrariwise you ought rather to forgive him and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow. Wherefore, I beseech you that you would confirm [your] love toward him. (Corinthians 2:6-8) After resolving discipline, embrace your child wholly as God has made him/her, warts and all. Man is made in God’s image, your children have been created to reflect His glory (not yours). Discipline corrects misbehavior, not personality traits or gifts.

            The full embrace of unity and fellowship is the norm for believers. (Phil. 1:3-18) How much more then is this true for parents and their children! The open heart of fellowship is the most significant element whereby children walk with and learn from their parents. (John 5:20) I believe that residual tension over resolved issues must be replaced with the embrace of comfort. The inability to embrace will only continue because issues remain to be corrected or because some form of malice exists in you or the child. Perhaps issues really do exist, if so correct them to restoration. If malice exists, why? Usually, our own sin or failure to correct the child eventually embarrasses us in public misbehavior by the child. Embarrassment is not an error to correct in your children, but in you.

            Concerning restoration, 2 Corinthians 2 is helpful in establishing the norm. In verses 1-4, Paul acknowledged that correction brings heaviness and sorrow to both parties (the corrector and the corrected). Paul eloquently demonstrated that his motive for pursuing correction was to maximize everyone’s joy. He declared that his letter was written so the Corinthians might know the love he had more abundantly for them.

            Love is paramount. Love motivates confrontation to pursue restoration in tenderness with ambition so that joy is restored to all. What happens when this is not the case? Faults are stored and remembered, which heightens tension and promotes bitterness and anger in subsequent incidents, or in the general atmosphere of the home.

            Don’t allow a correction to become personal and you will avoid feelings of a vindictive nature. The sin is against heaven and in your sight. (Luke 15:21) In 2Cor. 2:5 Paul minimizes his personal grief to prevent others from wrongly begrudging the offending party. Paul declares the punishment finished because it accomplished its intended purpose. (v 6) The Greek word for the KJV sufficient is hikanos, which means to arrive, to reach or attain to an objective, enough. Clearly, then the purpose of the “punishment inflicted” (v.6, Gr. To lay upon one a properly measured sanction) is to arrive at an objective (repentance); and having attained the objective to stop the punishment and restore fellowship.

            Verse 7 says, “Contrariwise you ought rather to forgive him and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow. _ Clearly forgiveness must go well beyond the mere cessation of the punishment, but go on and do the very opposite kinds of things to restore the repenting child.

            Forgive. The Greek is charizomai, from the root for charis, or grace (grace gifts). This is not the common forgive, aphiemi, (to let go, disregard.) The meaning of charizomai is to pleasantly or agreeably do a favor or to graciously give forgiveness or pardon. It has in view to preserve one from peril or graciously to restore one to another. This is quite an emotional restoration! Right on the heels of this gracious forgiveness, Paul requires comfort. The Greek word here is parakaleo, which means to call to one’s side to console, to encourage or to strengthen by consolation, comfort. Obviously this kind of forgiveness is a full, vigorous partaking of family life with fellowship restored.

Failure to forgive and comfort the child is a potential mitigating factor that can cause a great danger of the child being swallowed up with overmuch sorrow. The Greek for overmuch is perissoteros, which means to exceed a proper measure, over and above, more than is necessary, extraordinary, surpassing, or uncommon.

            Thus the scriptural standard is that punishment is a properly measured sanction, which is laid upon a person to correct a specific offense. The motive to correct springs from abundant love, the purpose is to achieve repentance and the duration of punishment is only until repentance is achieved. Furthermore, when the punishment has achieved its purpose, not only does the punishment end, but an opposite effort of restoration begins. Restoration includes gracious forgiveness and coming personally alongside the one being restored so that he is consoled and comforted and rescued from the heaviness of sorrow that could distort feelings and perspective. “There is therefore now no condemnation for them who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 5:1)

            Restoration is required to prevent excessive sorrow. Discover what is keeping you from embracing your child.  Do you have unresolved issues that you don’t know how to deal with? Does your forgiveness include reconciliation? How should reconciliation be approached? Can your children approach you without fear when the punishment is complete? Forgiveness and reconciliation give you and your children great liberty to walk in joy and fully express the gifts God has given to you in the free-flow of the Holy Spirit. The Joy of the Lord is your strength.